Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
