even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
