i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
