You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
