i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
