If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
