I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
