I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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