I want to stick my p in your. b.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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