Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
