Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
im holly from the hills drunk
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
