I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
