We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
