Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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