he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
smell my finger.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
