i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
