a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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