She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
