So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I supernannyed him into submission
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
