I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We are two peas in an std pod
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
