wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
