the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
