Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My breasts were aching with rage.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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