I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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