I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
