I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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