After last night, I could never be a politician.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
