when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
operation have a gay friend backfired
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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