Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
