So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
