A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize