Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
