Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
