I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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