Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
