I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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