At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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