I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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