So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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