turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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