New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We have started to decorate penises.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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