Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
