I think I died a long time ago.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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