i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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