Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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