imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
