I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
