Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize