Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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