Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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