the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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