If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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