You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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