honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
