My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
