i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
