You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
