I wish my penis had an off switch
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
