Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
