you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
