Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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