my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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