cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
