So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
