I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
