He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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