YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
