I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
