So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
