can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
