Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
im on a boat
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