M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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