Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You've changed since you got that strap on
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
