I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
