well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize