I wannas sexs uuuuu
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize