So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
