the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
